Updated: Jul 11
I began this website/blog site with a flash of inspiration last August -- almost a year ago now and I haven't gone near it since November of 2021. It is now July 6, 2022. I've tossed and turned so to speak over this whole endeavor. Almost nobody reads it so what's the point? But the reason no one reads it is because almost no one knows it exists! I haven't even asked my friends to read it. They don't know it's a thing. Nor do most of my family members. Why? That is the question I have been struggling with. Do I really want to share my grief journey with other people and build a community or do I just want to express it because I enjoy it and I'm compelled to do it. Do I enjoy it? If I do, why did I walk away from it. I mean, I'm rather happy with the way the site looks aesthetically and the writing isn't horrible. I have shared some (not all) of my experiences honestly and openly as well as some practical ideas and resources.
But I didn't ask anyone to read it or contribute to it. And at the beginning, I had all kinds of ideas about building a community and readership -- a place to share. But it didn't last. I believe now that it's because for one thing, I bit off quite a lot. I mean, talking about my loss and sadness while at the same time attempting to offer tips on cooking and art? That's kind of a lot and perhaps even a bit crazy when I think about it now. Furthermore, I'm not really all that comfortable sharing my feelings about anything so personal. But most of all, I think I was just scared. I felt a calling to do this, but it was also overwhelmingly scary!
But I'm in a different place now. And how I've arrived at this new place is exciting and worth sharing. It won't be easy as you'll see because much of it is very difficult to put into words. I have begun a spiritual journey that I never dreamed I'd be on. And some of my friends and family will most likely think I'm nuts. But if even one person benefits from my struggles and experiences, then that's good enough as long as I'm also having fun doing it!
I have some fun stuff to share and I think I'm in a place where I can share it and have fun doing it without any expectations and without FEAR! Fear that I might write something that could do more harm than good, or the fear that family and friends will think I'm crazy, or the fear that I'm oversharing and gosh golly, that's embarrassing! God forbid I put myself out there and face some kind of humiliation!! What could be worse?
Oh, right. There's all kinds of worse. I know that now. I know that in a deep and profound way that I never knew before.